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Top 20 Worst Car Mods that Make You Look Like a D Bag

Sep 12, 2016


1. Brand Sticker Decals.   Unless you are getting paid to endorse Alpine, NOS, Nitto, Brembo, or Flowmaster, do not put this crap on your car.  It’s a vain effort to show off how much money you’ve put into your car and what it’s got.  That’s what illegal street racing is for.  Otherwise you’re just making a list of reasons on the outside of your car for people to steal it.  


2. Loud Exhaust - Nothing says “Look at me, I’m an asshole,” than an extra loud exhaust.  If you want everyone in the world to know you are coming buy a damn Harley.  Otherwise respect the community and keep your street noise to a minimum.  



3. 5% Limo Tint in the Windshield and Front Windows - Cops, when you see “extra cool and mysterious guy” on the streets with his black out tint, please write this reject a ticket.  You know it’s illegal.  You can’t hide it or remove it easily.  Basically, you’re asking for a ticket, without even having performed a moving violation.  Chances are, no one knows you who are that you need to hide your identity from them, except now they do.  You are now known as that toolbag car guy. Congrats.  



4. License Plate Frames.  Straight up?  They’re corny as hell.  Not sure why you’d want to add something to your car that just takes away from it.  Whether you’re showing college team pride, haven’t removed the old one advertising your car’s dealership, or accenting your plates with some gaudy bling rhinestones, just know that just by purchasing one of these plate frames, you get 100 cool points deducted.  You don’t even need put it on your car.  Just the fact that you considered it and thought it was cool is all wrong.  


5. Removing Your Emissions Equipment.  What a d**k!  There, I said it.  This isn’t the 70’s, and pollution is real.  Just ask the residents of California.  Granted back in the days it wasn’t unheard of to actually gain 30-40+ in HP by idiotically removing parts of your car you shouldn’t.  But not today.  With the advanced technology cars can both be clean, and fast.  Ask Elon Musk.  He’s got the fastest vehicle from zero to sixty and it doesn’t generate one ounce of carbon dioxide that will kill the planet.   


6. Interior Neon & Strobe lighting - This isn’t cash cab.  If you want to throw an additional accent light in the trunk to illuminate your speakers and sound system fine.  But you’re not driving around in a limo.  Please don’t light up your car like a limo.  You’re not going to prom.  



7. Exterior Neon.  I can’t even talk about this…  Just don’t ok?  


8. Rolling Coal.  Ultimate douche-baggery.  Might I say the pinnacle of douche-ness.   A combination of complete douche factor and complete stupidity.  You’re driving a truck (or car) not Thomas the Tank Engine.   Modifying your diesel vehicle so that it burns twice as much fuel, destroys the exterior of the car and shortens the engine life just so billows of smoke can pour out of your tail pipe like it’s 1803?  Locomotives are not cool anymore.  Neither is smog and air pollution.  



9. Lift Kits.  This is only cool if you are entering your caddy in a monster truck rally against Big Foot, or you plan on taking your your F250 rock climbing.  Even then it’s downright idiotic at times because it makes your vehicle exponentially more dangerous to drive in hazardous conditions.  


10. Confederate Flags.  Dude, the war is over.  You lost.  Not sure if it makes you more of a tool bag to live up north and fly the stars and bars or to do it down south.  Worst of all, most idiots that fly this flag have absolutely zero understanding of what it means, or can actually give you any historical facts about it.  Either way, you’re not the Duke brothers and you’re not driving the General Lee but you are a complete ignoramus.  


11.  Too much of any additional features.  No your car doesn’t need two sets of fog lights, 6 extra interior gauges, 4 tvs, 18 speakers or an overdose of anything else for that matter.  Just because you can, doesn’t mean it’s right.  Remember, less is more.  



12. Bumper Stickers.  Uggghghggghghg….  No.  If bumper stickers say anything, it’s not “Have a Nice Day,” or “What Would Jesus Do?” it’s that you’re an asshat.   And the worst part is that even after you’ve removed them thank’s to the suns UV rays, the paint has faded around the square and left it’s mark forever on your bumper.  



13. Obnoxious or Chrome/reflective paint jobs.  Justin Beiber may tip his hat to you, but the rest of the auto community will most likely give you the finger.  They're not admiring your multicolor Partridge Family paint job, they are gawking at it.  You aren't expressing you identity as much as you are expressing the fact that you are probably socially akward and that you and your creepy van would like to not have any friends, ever.  P.S. Chrome is an accent.  



14. A really high spoiler.  Fact: Your car does not go fast enough to require that much downforce or lift off of the ground, and even the Hennessy Venom reaching 270+ mph only has a spoiler that sits about 6 inches off it’s ass.  Commercial jets don’t even require it.   The only thing an extra high spoiler does for your vehicle is allow people to identify you “special” individuals.  Special in a short bus sort of way.  So unless you are commuting to work in a Formula 1 race car, just don’t.  The mile high spoiler club is not a thing. 



15. Stance.  So maybe the jury is still out on this one but, tires and rims/wheels drive a lot better when they are parallel to the road. They also have a better chance of not getting into a two lane pile up because a leaf or a plastic bag blew into your lane.   Since there is a really dedicated following out there rewarding this “kind” for their above and beyond efforts in stupidity, this one is likely to continue for awhile.  Besides, if you have a stanced car you have bigger problems.  Like trying to explain to your mom, and everyone else you know why you would spend thousands of dollars to do THAT to your car, and the functional purpose it solves.   THAT and picking up your bumper off the side of the road.  



16. Fake Vents.  There are times where it is beneficial for a vehicle to have ventilation ports in the hood and fenders to actually provide an escape path for hot or high-pressure air.  Chances are, your new Civic, is not one of these vehicles and adding a body kit with non-functioning ventilation is just a desperate attempt to make your ricer look like it has some balls.  In reality, you’re the one that ends up looking like a blow hole.  Your car does not need vestigial organs any more than a man needs breast implants.   Lets just hope no one ever challenges you and your fake vents to a race.  



17. Extra big wheels.  Your car was engineered with a specific wheel size in mind.  So why not max out the wheel well capacity, ruin my car’s ability to turn or handle well, go fast, or not have a blow out because you hit a street crack.  Your car will be so completely difficult to handle in important situations too, like having to swerve or maneuver to avoid a collision.  Low profile tires were first added to cars with the idea in mind that they could add larger brakes for better stopping performance.  With your 24’s it’s just about the only thing you’ll be able to do is stop.  Not even park, because your turning radius will be so hideous that you won’t be able to swing into that parking spot, just stop.  But what you should really be stopping is yourself from adding such ridiculously asinine mods to your car.  Millions of dollars in car steering, suspension and handling gone to waste because you needed BIG wheels to compensate for your small… wheels that were once on your car.  What did you think I was going to say? 


18. Any wing, on your front wheel drive vehicle.  Great idea jackass.  Lets pick up the wheels you’re trying to keep on the road by applying force to the ones that are not providing drive to the car.     


19. Tinting your break lights.  Great idea Einstein.  Lets make the only things stopping other idiots from rear ending you while driving even harder to see because it looks cool.  



20. Fake performance badges.  Go ahead.  Put that M3 emblem on your 335i.  The only person you’re fooling here is yourself into thinking it was actually a good idea.  Some of us actually know how to count tail pipes.  May as well put the Spirit of Ecstasy on your Hyundai Equus and call it a Rolls Royce.  Granted she probably costs more than the car you want to put her on, and not only that, Rolls Royces hood ornaments are actually equipped with anti theft devices.  You lay one little finger on her and she disappears faster than your pride after someone calls out your 3.5 liter for a base model.  

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